How Does a Couple Choose Their First Adult Toy? A Step-by-Step Guide

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Deciding to explore adult toys as a couple can be an exciting and intimate experience, but with so many options available, choosing the right one for your first time can feel overwhelming. The goal is to find something that enhances both partners' pleasure while deepening your connection and communication.
Here’s a step-by-step guide to help you and your partner confidently choose your first adult toy.
1. Have an Open and Honest Conversation
Before diving into shopping, it’s crucial to talk openly with your partner about introducing toys into your relationship. This discussion sets the tone for your shared experience and helps ensure you’re both comfortable with the decision.
Here are some questions to guide the conversation:
  • What are we looking to explore? Are you trying to enhance foreplay, intensify orgasms, or explore new sensations?
  • Do we have any preferences or boundaries? For example, some couples may want to stick to external toys, while others are open to experimenting with penetration.
  • How do we feel about adding toys? Talk about any feelings of hesitation or excitement and reassure each other that this is about enhancing your connection, not replacing intimacy.
Honest communication creates a positive foundation and helps you choose a toy that both partners feel good about.
2. Determine the Type of Stimulation You Want
Understanding the type of stimulation you and your partner are interested in will guide your choice. Here are some options to consider:
  • External Stimulation: Many couples start with a toy designed for external use, such as a clitoral vibrator or massager. These toys can be used during foreplay or intercourse to enhance pleasure without being invasive.
  • Internal Stimulation: If you’re comfortable with penetration, a small dildo or a G-spot vibrator could be an exciting option for exploration.
  • Couple’s Toys: There are toys specifically designed for couples to use together, like vibrating cock rings or wearable toys that provide pleasure to both partners simultaneously.
Discuss with your partner what type of stimulation interests you both, whether it’s external, internal, or a combination.
3. Start Small and Simple
When it comes to choosing your first toy, less is often more. Opt for something simple and easy to use, as jumping into complex or advanced toys right away might feel overwhelming. Here are a few beginner-friendly options:
  • Clitoral Vibrators: These are often small, discreet, and great for adding extra stimulation during foreplay or sex. They are easy to use and can be enjoyed by both partners.
  • Vibrating Cock Rings: These toys provide both external stimulation and an enhanced experience for him by delaying ejaculation and adding vibration to the experience.
  • Bullet Vibrators: These tiny toys are versatile and can be used for clitoral stimulation or on other erogenous zones. They’re simple, non-intimidating, and easy to incorporate into partnered play.
Remember, you can always upgrade to more complex toys once you’re both comfortable!
4. Look for Body-Safe Materials
Choosing a toy made from body-safe, non-toxic materials is essential for both safety and pleasure. The most common and safe materials include:
  • Silicone: Soft, hypoallergenic, and non-porous, making it easy to clean and safe for your body.
  • ABS Plastic: Smooth, rigid, and body-safe, perfect for beginners looking for something firm but affordable.
  • Glass or Stainless Steel: These materials are ideal for those looking for weighty, temperature-sensitive toys, though they’re better suited for those with a bit more experience.
Avoid toys made from porous materials, like jelly or rubber, which can harbor bacteria and may contain harmful chemicals.
5. Consider Discretion and Comfort
For some couples, privacy is a concern, especially if they share a home or want to keep things discreet. In this case, choosing toys that are quiet and easy to store can be important. Many toys are designed to be both discreet and travel-friendly.
  • Rechargeable Toys: These often provide quieter performance compared to battery-operated toys, which can be louder.
  • Waterproof Toys: Toys that are waterproof are not only easy to clean but also allow for play in the shower or bath, adding an extra layer of privacy.
6. Read Reviews and Do Some Research
It’s a good idea to read reviews from other couples who have used the toy you’re considering. These reviews can give you insight into how easy the toy is to use, whether it lives up to its promises, and if it’s comfortable for both partners.
  • Check product reviews on reputable sex toy websites or forums that are specifically geared toward adults.
  • Look for beginner’s guides and recommendations from sex-positive blogs or influencers who discuss sexual wellness and toys for couples.
7. Focus on Exploration, Not Perfection
When choosing and using your first toy, remember that the goal is exploration, not perfection. Some toys may not work as expected right away, and that’s okay! The process of learning together is part of the fun.
  • Experiment together: Take your time experimenting with the toy, figuring out how it feels, and exploring different sensations. Communication is key during this phase, so check in with each other about what’s working and what’s not.
  • Play with intention: Let go of any pressure to perform or have a “perfect” experience. Sex toys are a tool to enhance connection and pleasure, not a goal in themselves.
8. Don’t Forget Lube
Lube is an important part of using any sex toy, as it can make the experience more pleasurable and comfortable for both partners. Choose a high-quality water-based lubricant, especially if you’re using silicone toys (as silicone lube can degrade silicone toys). If you’re engaging in anal play, lubricant is absolutely essential.
Taking the Leap Together
Choosing your first adult toy as a couple is a fun and exciting step toward deepening your intimacy and exploring new dimensions of pleasure. By communicating openly, starting with something simple, and focusing on body-safe, high-quality materials, you can find a toy that enhances both your connection and your sex life.
Remember, there’s no “right” way to use a toy. Enjoy the process, take your time, and most importantly, have fun exploring together!